Scrap by Scrap

[Missing Temptation]

I'm more often than not an extremely happy-go-lucky person. But I guess whenever I write I would more than likely come across as real depressed like. Not my fualt, I just have a pretty deep thought, have since third grade. Anyhow I'd like to post a poem, and will more than likely post any other poems I feel fit to in this thread. Criticizm *which i can't even spell, talk about pathetic*- and comments are most definitely welcome. (For your information, this is a way long ago experience so I'm definitely not feeling like that right now lol).

Scrap by Scrap

My soul is weak,
I just can’t speak,
And every step I seem to take,
I hear my heart once more break,
Not able to see my life with my own two eyes,
Not knowing the world without my cries,
I don’t know when or how to stop,
Can’t discover my own way to the top,
I can see the night and the night only,
And even with all the stars I still feel lonely,
I’ve got so much life left to survive,
But I have already tried to strive,
My heart has been torn in two,
The half that was me, and the half that was you,
You used to flatter me,
But now you shatter me,
I’m breaking scrap by scrap,
And I’m sick and tired of this crap,
But I don’t know what to do,
Because I still want to be with you.

 

[Daraku]

No offense, but it seems a like something Dr. Suess (No clue how to spell his name) wrote while hwas depressed. I'm not saying I'm good at writing, but it just seems a little sing-song. The idea and content part is good. Things make sense. Just a little buff with the rhyming scheme. Maybe it's just me.

 

[Missing Temptation]

That's a more recent prollem of mine... cuz i serioiusly don't like rhyming but once in a while if i hear two things that sound good as rhyme i don't know how to come off of a rhyme lol... I'll solve it eventually...

 

[Daraku]

lol. Well, instead of doing the line to line rhyming, you could try skipping lines.

 

[Missing Temptation]

I took your advice as to skipping lines. Also tried a different style. I'm not entirely fond of this style, but I prefer to keep the poems on my desktop seperate from forums because these are the poems I show my family friends and etc. so people on forums usually get my crap writing. Anyhow see y'all later.

You build me up,
You break me down,
You make me smile,
You make me frown,
You speak so soft,
You shout so loud,
You act mellow,
You are so proud,
You bring me to life,
You are the reason I die,
You cheer me up,
You are the reason I cry,
You make everything clear,
You confuse me so,
You carry me above all else,
You still drop me though,
You sit here and ask that I stay,
You shall hear this answer right from me,
You are fine,
But you are fake,
You were my love,
But my love was a mistake.

 

[Serenity]

Wow, deep stuff that you write about. It's ok though I write like that two. I think it's good. and good to express feelings, even if they aren't your own as well. I do the same ^^

 

[Missing Temptation]

Thanks Aerith. I hate what I write if it seems to point toward a person (which it may or may not lol)- because that makes everybody go, "so who are you talking about?" and then I start blushing and trying to explain that it's not really about somebody I know that well just is there. Anyhow this is a really old poem that I didn't have saved. Just remembered the first five lines and tried to recover the rest from memory.

There is a darkness,
On the horizon,
And I fear it get to me,
For it spreads,
Just like a shadow,
Continuing mercilessly,
And there is no way for me to avoid it,
It's coming so quickly,
And I'm more afraid than I've ever been,
As I stand now in it's path,
Taking one last breath as it pulls me under,
Now consumed by the wars,
The wars that are killing people,
They're hopes, their dreams,
I'd love to go back,
To know where I'm at,
But I made the decision,
When I let it take me under...
So I can never go back,
Can never be me.

Something along those lines lol.

 

[Hyuuga Neji]

this is the only 1 of the 3 poems that i don't know what its about