Hide and Seek

Katsu

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May 31, 2006
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Nowhere but everywhere.
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Hmm well this is kinda a dark poem....
but yeah I was bored so please read and tell me what I can do to make it better...thankies.

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Hide and Seek

A bounce
A leap
Was in its step
As though it were happy about the death
One swoop
No pain
It was all just a game
To the creature that had two faces to blame


A face you say?
No, rather…
A mask for play


It would come at night
To give you a fright
And a taste of what’s to come
But when it was done
It would be gone
As though it was only a ghost


The children made fun
As they played in the sun
Not expecting the creature to show
They waited till dark
In the local park
And were never heard from again
One is to say
That it was the creature’s play
A game of Hide and Seek


To this day I wonder whom
The creature of two faces was?
An angel of light
Or rather a demon of the night
All that I can tell you is that it wants to play…
Hide and Seek



by Miss Majime (Rachel)
 
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E.V.

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Jul 5, 2006
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read the beginning. it was good. sorry, my attention payingness doesn't last for very long, and I don't normally have the ability to read any poem fully unless I'm graded on it.
 

Stryfe

One Name. One Legend.
May 3, 2006
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It was quite interesting how you incorporated the hidden text and visible text to go along with your poem The last line though discouraged me. I liked it up until then. =/

"You're it" just doesn't seem right.
 

Katsu

New member
May 31, 2006
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Yeah..I know...hmm..well do you have a suggestion for the last line..maybe I should remove it completely...?...okay I just removed that line completely...it didn't seem to really fit there..and I noticed it before..but wanted to wait and see if anyone else would..^-^
 
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